VALUE YOURSELF

Self-worth is simply the value you have for yourself; the worth you subconsciously place on yourself. You can either value yourself high or value yourself low; this is what we call high self-esteem or low self-esteem. High self-esteem increases your confidence and this most leaders have itemized as part of the skills they possess. Many atimes employers look out for confidence in applicants and sometimes even the smartest and most intelligent doesn’t get the job because of lack of confidence.

In our culture, most especially in Nigeria most of the youth and teenagers have grown believing that it is our heritage to have the limitations we encounter; the society, friends and neighbors never forget to remind us that it is normal to go through some of the things we go through in life. Things like poverty, violence, rape; parents reprimand the rape victims to keep quiet that it is better to keep quiet than voice out because of the society and then the girls raped start losing their self-esteem gradually. Girls are always informed that they are the weaker sex and their place ends in the kitchen, some of us dark skinned still believe that the white skinned are better than us even after our freedom. Freedom cannot be shown physically if it is not in the mind. This thought have made some of the teenagers and youth lose some value in themselves as they grow.

As teenagers grow changing physically, they want to be accepted by their friends, family and society but sometimes they are not accepted instead they are bullied or ridiculed because they are fat, from a humble background, dull, suffering from autism and because they are not accepted by the people they expect love from their self-esteem start reducing.

Growing up as a teenager I had so many challenges that almost made me have a low self-esteem, I was constantly being chased out of school for school fees, thrown out of the house by landlords and uncles in the presence of some of my friends and school mates, constantly sick and this made me look very thin, never having enough textbooks, all these and more made some of my classmates, friends, schoolmates and even neighbors think i was inferior but  that was their opinion, I decided to keep my head up high. My goal in life made me know that it was just a phase so I built my self-esteem by looking at me in the future.

When you don’t value yourself people will dis-value you; when people dis-value you and you concur to this; this will in turn affect your self-esteem negatively. Self-esteem always affect relationships; the worst people feel about themselves the worst they are being treated. The better you feel about yourself, the better you are treated. Teenagers have issues with low self-esteem most especially between the ages of 17 and 23 when they want to feel independent, take good care of themselves, take good decisions and make good grades but because sometimes they fail in any of these it affects their self-esteem. People with low self-esteem always feel empty and they look for someone to make them feel important; some opt for drugs, alcohol, sex and unhealthy eating order.

Low self-esteem can be as a result of abuse (Rape), non-acceptance of loved ones and friends, body image, negligent or never involved parent, abusive and negative peers etc. However, self-esteem is a state of mind that can be changed but you will have to increase your self-worth yourself by starting to love and value yourself; you are unique and beautiful, the fact that you were neglected or raped does not mean it is not your fault.

I believe these steps helped in building my self-esteem and they can you too

1.  APPRECIATE AND LOVE YOURSELF: No one in the world is like you, No one behave exactly like you, no one is more handsome and beautiful than you and you are beautiful in your own way. Look inside of you and search for those unique and wonderful things about you and love yourself for those. Focus on the good things about you, on the subjects you pass very well, on your eyes that is beautiful, on your sincerity and goodness to others and appreciate yourself that you have these characters and traits. There are many things you do better than others concentrate on those things.

2.  REMAIN POSITIVE: your worth is not seen by others until you display it and show it in all that you do. People can still treat you badly and spite you, negative thoughts can still come to your mind but decide not to think on the things people have done or said to you, decide to speak the good about you to yourself, avoid criticizing  yourself because you have more to gain in speaking positive than criticizing yourself. You gain much by speaking positive but you lose much by speaking negative; so speak positive.

3.  YOU ARE NOT PERFECT: Everyone make mistakes and mistakes can be inevitable. Understand that you are not perfect, it is good that you have made effort to lose weight, made effort to stop that disorder eating, get the best grades but you are yet to achieve your result that does not mean that should criticize yourself which can as well reduce your self-esteem. Accept the fact  that you are making effort and some day you will achieve your goal. The fact that you are trying is a great effort and this should boost your self-worth not reduce it. You can make mistakes but don’t dwell on them learn from your mistakes and move forward.

 4. RECOGNIZE THAT YOU CAN’T CHANGE EVERYTHING:  There are some things that can make you feel less valuable about yourself and among these things there are some that you can change and there are some that you can’t.  Set realistic goals on how you intend to achieve the ones that can change and ensure you work towards it. However, some of the things that you cannot change include people who have treated you wrongly instead train yourself to remind yourself on the things that you can change and as they are changing your self-esteem will be increasing.

5. HAVE FUN: Most teenagers feel another teenager is more attractive and good looking than them; their thoughts is always how they can be like that person or be that person’s friend; when you are with a person just because you feel it will increase your self-worth it will only make you feel less when you are with that person because you will always be seeing who you want to be like, what you want to be like……. not the friend in that person. Instead accept your own unique beauty, spend time doing things that you love and people that love you just as you are.